Apakah semua ini?

hm. hi guys. 5th day at work. mood: blank. what to do?? i have no idea. Now im getting better. i can start to forget him, even my heart hurts and believe it or not, i dpt tau something yg i xpenah lansung terfikir akan ada org nak buat i camni. Smalam i pgi berubat dekat darul syifak. Sbb dah lama sgt i jadi mcm x betul, gila bayang, tak tentu arah. I pegi berubat, then ustaz tu ckp rupanya i ade gangguan.. I terjerit2 meracau2 mcm org gila. Ya Allah sakit sgt. Smpai skrg i still x percaya yg i kene gangguan and paling i tak percaya org yg buat benda ni dkat i. Ya Allah dugaan ape yg kau bagi pada aku ni? apa salah aku?? i pun taktau nak ckp ape. Ape yg i boleh buat skrg is just redha dgn segala apa yg tejadi. Pasti ada hikmahnya. Walaupun berat hati nk terima semuani, i terpaksa jugak terima. Semoga hari-hari yg bakal i tempuhi esok akan membawa sinar baru. I seboleh-boleh tak nak igt lagi ape yg terjadi. Biarla tu semua jadi pengajaran dan panduan utk i nak hadapi hidup ni dgn lebih kuat. I akan gagahkan diri, kuatkan hati. Yess i will. I taknak sedih-sedih lagi. Kesian famly i, dorg smua susah hati pasal i. Takkan kerana cinta i nak hancurkan hidup i? tak boleh. I kena bangun dari kegagalan, i kena kuat hadapi semua ni. Yes, i kena kuat. Kwn2 pls doakan i. Doakan i supaya kuat utk hadapi hidup ni. I taknak pikir lagi hal lama. What past is past. Let it passed away. I berdoa supaya Tuhan temukan jodoh i dgn seseorang yg boleh terima i seadanya, dgn seseorang yg mampu membahagiakan i, mampu menjaga i sampai i mati and yg paling penting dia mampu membimbing i ke jalan yg benar. Ya Allah, kau kuatkanlah hati hambamu ini. Kau berilah keredhaan di dalam hatiku. Kau bagilah aku belajar untuk melepaskan segala-galanya dengan tenang. Kau hentikanlah air mataku. Kau berilah kegembiraan dalam hidupku. Semoga semuanya baik-baik saja. Amin.

I still can't forget him.

haihh. today kerja. 2nd day at work; feeling good, but still my heart, not! i don't know why, the more i try to forget him, the more i think about him. Does he feels the same?? i don't want him back. Really i don't but its just so hard to forget him. damn! God why must i feel this way? i can't do anything, all the time my head is haunted by him. I don't have any strength to move on. Why, whyy me?? i hate this feeling. Its killing me. Its really killing me. I wanna live happy. I meet so many friends, but still i can't heal myself. Why i am sooo weakk?? im not like this before. Why? God pls help me. Im stuck! I can go no where!! ;'(

hello friend. hows ur life going on? i hope u guys baik2 saja. ok this time i nak update sikit pasal diri i. haritu 05.03.11 i pegi interview firefly and guess what i lepas interview tu!! pheewww! what a relief and now i nak tgu result je..hopefuly la dpt. guys plss praayyy for me guys!!! i nakkk sgtttt jadi stewardess. nak sgt so badly! pls pray for me!! **finger crossed** and let say if xdpt, i ada dpt 1 lg job, jadi host for web tv, Ahh damn excited!! so i harap i dpt either 1 of this job, tolonngglaaahh bg dapat. dah nak masuk 3 bulan ni i menganggur!! plss kawan2 pls pray for me okayh??? ill pray for u guys too. i promise!! :)

one more thing i nak share ialah pasal love story i. sebelum ni i xpnah share pasal love story i. i xsuka nk crita bab personal life i kat sini. tp this time i nak cerita. my relationship just ended last week after 4 years together. can u imagine? 4 years together, everything i buat together dgn die. but it so sadd when it ended just like that!! i tau, ramai lagi kt luar sana yg face situation sama dgn i. maybe ada yg lebih lama dari i. i tau mcmne prasaan u guys. actually i mmg syg die. syg sgttt! tp what to do, theres no solution after all. so i decide utk break up dgn die. mmg sgt sedih. even skrg i ada lelaki lain but it will never be the same like before. i pun xtau relationship yg baru i ni for serious or just for rebound. tp i just bekawan dulu. tak sanggup lagi teluka. just skrg ni i need strength to move on. i really need strength! i tak kuat guys. serius. even skrg i ok, xsedih, dah tak nangis, but deep inside my heart, God knows well. i mmg xkuat. hati i terluka sgt. can someone help me to heal this plss?? ;'(

i nak cari life baru, i nak cri balik kawan2 yg dah lama i tinggal. i rasa seolah2 i baru hidup balik after a long dead scene. i nk mula hidup baru, but i dont know how?? help me plss guys. if ure reading this, pls drop ur comment support me! i really need it. skrg ni hidup i rasa kosongg sgt.
i xtau mcm mana nk mula balik hdup baru and start back all over again. i dont know how! korg tau x, sepanjang i dgn die, i lupa semua kawan i. i tinggal semua kwan2 i. jahat kan?? tp what to do. im so in love with him til i forget everything bout my friends. but now i promise to myself that i will treat my friends as good as i can. friends are everything to me now. thank god coz give me my best friend ever. i can feel the love!! even no matter how hard my situation is, they stil with me. God, thank you so much for make me realize everything before its too late! ok skrg i nak calm down..nak forget evryy single thing! i need ur support guys! pls support me!!
so till then, tkcare and dream big!! =)